Last Friday, I went to Tagaytay with Carchar and Edward. We met up with Pheeny and her south friends that night. It was fun hanging out with them again. I’ve almost forgotten how crazy they can get! We were throwing people in the pool and spraying beer at each other. We were noisy and wild but we didn’t care. We sang out heart out and danced the night away. It was easy getting along with Pheeny’s friends. Till the next adventure of the Tuesday group!

Then last Saturday night, Des and I went to Jorge’s house. We sang videoke and played cards. Jorge’s teammates and college friends also dropped by. It was like one big impromptu party.

Sunday morning, straight from Jorge’s house, Des and I went on a shopping spree. We went to mega then g4. I saw my ex! Well, not exactly him… just his picture. Not the latest ex but Mr. Metrosexual, my first bf. Hahaha! He has a poster there endorsing a boutique. I think its pink and blue soda. Anyway laughtrip! Crazy ass guy!

Yehey! I’m so happy! Casually told my boss that I’ll be leaving by the end of the month and to my astonishment, he was ok with it. No sarcastic or rude remarks! Wonder what got into him?!? Haahahaha! Next would be putting it in writing and making it official. Char and I have been talking and I’d like to quote her on this, “Cge sabay tayo astig yun!” (with a thumbs up sign and a big grin on her face) Wow! It feels like a big weight has been lifted form my shoulders. Hmmm… I wonder which company should I be applying to? Or what position for that matter? Marketing again? Well, definitely not at another telco! We’ll see… Wonder what will be the most convincing reason to put in my resignation letter? A) I don’t want to be a slave forever B) All the machismo in this company is suffocating me or C) I’m too young to get trapped in a stiff old company. Hahahaha! Well, I’ve been planning to leave since last October. I gave it 5 more months but maybe telco just isn’t for me.

1. My 'ex' still....  doesn’t care. duh...

2. I am listening to.... Saltwater

3. Maybe I should quit.... smoking? It’s the only vice I have left.

4. I love... nothing

5. My bestfriend(s).... make me happy.

6. I don't understand.... life

7. I lost my respect for.... someone.

8. I last ate.... pomelo salad.

9. The meaning of my display name is.... a petname my ex gave me.

10. Love is.... something you can only pursue but never actually have

11. Somewhere, someone is.... cursing or forgetting me.

12. I will always.... think what if

13. Love seems to be.... something that always leaves me.

14. I never ever want to lose.... my self again.

15. My mobile phone is.... right here.

16. When I woke up this morning.... I dreaded waking up and going to work again.

17. I get annoyed at.... certain people

18. Parties..... are a passing phase for me. Id rather stay home.

19. My pet.... is non existent

20. Kisses.... are sweet

21. Today I.... am sick.

22. I wish.... everything will be different

23. I really want.... change

What would you rather be called?
01. Babe or baby: I was called baby

02. Sweetie or Honey: I was also called sweetie

03. Darling or Hun: neither

PRESENTLY-
01. is your hair wet?: noooooo!

02. is your cell phone right by you? yes, it is.

03. do you miss someone? yes. And I hate it.

04. are you wearing chap stick? Yes, cherry.

05. are you tired? always.

06. are you excited? No, there’s nothing to be excited about.

07. are you watching tv?: no.

08. are you wearing pajamas? no.

HAVE YOU-
01. recently done anything you regret? Yes.

02. recently lied? Yes.

03. ever stuck gum under a desk? No.

04. ever kicked someone? Not someone. Freaky cats maybe.

05. ever tripped over your own feet? Yeah.

TODAY-
01. have you cursed? Yes. Abut a hundred times today.

02. have you yelled at someone? Not yet today.

03. have you gotten mad at someone? Yes.

I was back to the place where we went. I stayed in the place where we did. I escaped to try to forget but I ended up remembering everything. I’ve been completely sober for a month. I took a risk and challenged myself if I could control it. I did. But I didn’t like it anymore. The bitter taste was tainted with guilt and regret. Somehow, it didn’t make me feel better like I thought it would. The company was great and the food was good. But the knot in my tummy wouldn’t go away. I also had a lot of time for myself this weekend. I spent countless hours looking at the horizon, listening to music and thinking. I must admit; I still love him. I know its pathetic, a tad bit too late and hopeless but I do. Till how long will this take? How long will it take for me to try to convince myself that sometimes no matter how much you love someone, they just don’t love you. I told him I miss him. How does he do it? How does he forget so easily? How des he stop caring? How can he be so hateful and so unforgiving? I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. He wont let me. 

For a few moments, I was happy again. Just for today, I felt little butterflies in my tummy. But I know that it’s just for that moment. I really hope that it’s not true that people don’t change, because I want to. Not for anyone else but for myself. I didn’t like that girl. She was callous and out of control. She was insecure and paranoid. She was the luckiest and happiest person in the world and she blew it. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I hate her. I hate everything about her. I hate how she acted. I hate her for making him give up on her. I hate her for hurting him. I hate her so much. I hate myself and I cant forgive myself.

What a weird day! There was a raid at my neighbor’s house this morning! God! Intense. I didn’t ever bother to go out! It was all crazy outside. I didn’t know why they raided the house and I don’t care. When everything died down, I had to go straight here at the office. My boss goes nuts when I’m not around.

On a lighter note, guess who texted me? Yup yup. He did, BUT because he wanted his bag back. Well actually, Shirley and I were talking yesterday. And I mentioned to her that I still had his bag. Shirley said that he mentioned it to her and was asking her help to get it back. I said that if he wanted it, why not tell me? Its not like I’m not going to reply or anything. He texted me today. God! I miss him so much! We’re both living separate lives but damn, his messages still makes me smile. It always feels so good talking to him. I miss talking to him about anything and everything. I really hope he’s doing well. He still means a lot to me. He’s still everything I ever wanted and more. But I also know that what’s done is done. He seems happy. I’m glad. I still care for him. Now and always.